Of love and a new adventure

(Posted this in my Facebook on 8 October 2015, a week after our civil wedding. Here's a glimpse of out lovestory, may it teach you a thing or two about love and the right timing.)

Around this time last week, me and Bjørn had our civil wedding. It was in a small island in the south of Denmark called Ærø and contrary to the current weather in Denmark this week, the whole of last week was sunny and brilliant. We had a small and intimate dinner with Bjørn's family and had a great time talking, laughing, and even some dancing. Church wedding is happening come January, the same week that Bjørn is celebrating his birthday.

There is a quote that says, “every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite.” Ours is a whirlwind love story but it’s also the kind that gives meaning. Before I met Bjørn, I’d been asked so many times why I was single that it got pretty tiring to explain to people why. When you enjoy your single life, there's no point to be in a relationship. Looking back, it was an adventure-filled single life – I travelled to different cities and places in Asia. I met different kinds of people and talked to them about anything under the sun. I gained confidence in many aspects of myself. I took my Masters Degree and worked two jobs as a university instructor and writer/columnist/editor in China. I have interviewed people from different walks of life and enjoyed every single one of them. I read books, lots of them and even thought of writing my own book (maybe one day). I backpacked in the south of China and had my skin bruised by biking, walking barefoot, and climbing mountains. I also applied for intense programs at the gym and found myself losing weight as I kicked and punched in Body Combat sessions and sashayed and wiggled at Zumba classes. Indeed, I enjoyed and was happy with life being single. I didn’t spend it waiting for my Prince Charming to find me or have a guy to come and complete me. I was already complete on my own.

It was only about 3 years ago that I told myself that I’m ready to be in a relationship, to be in another adventure, but this time with someone on my side. The search wasn't easy. There were a lot of questions and disappointments and at some point, I even asked myself if there was something wrong with me. It seemed like a long, painstaking wait.

When I met Bjørn this year, I didn’t know right away that he is THE ONE but it didn’t take that long to figure out. His mind is full of ideas and I find it stimulating to talk to him. Our first date included dinner plus talk and walk then walk and talk until 1 in the morning. We had fruitful discussions while walking in an empty shopping area in Binjiang Dao in Tianjin, China and talked without reservations about what we think about things in life and the universe. We spoke to each other like souls finally meeting their match or minds finding their own kind.

The next day, he asked me to come to Denmark. I laughed.

The reason why I say that our love story is the kind that gives meaning is that when we found each other I finally realized why I had to go through a long time being single. I finally understood why I had to wait. You find answers with the right person. With the right person, love is easy, it flows naturally and your heart feels secure. The right person pursues and persists, encourages and complements. In short, the right person brings out the best of you.

When Bjørn asked me to marry him, I laughed. Laughter is indeed the language of a happy heart. I laughed because I’m more than willing - there were no more doubts in me, thanks to living my single life to the fullest, I can move to the next chapter of my life wholeheartedly.

Now, we've crossed the line. We're married. And yes, we are so ready for this kind of adventure.

x

Cathy

long time...

After more than two years, I'm back!

Forgot to post here that I'm married already and am living here in Denmark with my wonderful husband. Thinking of creating another blog for just about anything I can think of in this new life here in Denmark. Hmmm, gotta decide.

This blog has been around for a long time and it's still around to document my life through the years.

Life is good. God is love.

x
Cathy

the rules of being amazing

"Risk more than is required. Learn more than what is normal. Be strong. Show courage. Breathe. Excel. Love. Lead. Speak your truth. Live your values. Laugh. Cry. Innovate. Simplify. Adore mastery. Release mediocrity. Aim for genius. Stay humble. Be kinder than expected. Deliver more than what is needed. Exude passion. Shatter your limits. Transcend your fears. Inspire others by your bigness. Dream big but start small. Act now. Don't stop. Change the world." - Robin Sharma


Time to dream again. 

x

Cathy

when language fails, give your friend a hug

(This post was in my draft for the longest time and I actually forget about this and just remembered when I went over my writings. I'm finally posting this now. This was originally written October 2012.)

When language fails, when saying "immense sadness" could not be understood or when my poor Chinese language skill could not even describe the sadness of him leaving, I just look at his eyes and said how grateful I am to have known him.

I was told to not get so attached to people. I know I'm supposed to listen to that. I've been leaving outside my country for five years now. Here in Tianjin, I've seen countless people go. I always felt like I'm the one who's always left behind. And so they went and the left in me a hole, others tiny, others so huge I found myself crying for a day or two.

I was told to not get attached to people, especially here. People move on, they go somewhere. One of the questions thrown at me by people I meet is - until when are you here? As a foreigner here, I wasn't expected to stay, and so are many of my friends.

I was told to not get attached to people...but I couldn't help it. Along the way, you find someone who inspires you, makes you laugh harder, makes you work harder or dream bigger...makes you a better person...makes you see the world in a brighter color. And before you know it, you're changed. And you breathe easier and happy thoughts flood your heart.

Oh well, what's the use of holding back something. What's the use of not getting attach to a friend or a person you've just met. Maybe saying not to get attached to things is okay, but to people? It's a case to case basis. Human beings are relational beings. We learn from each other and seek love and hold on to it. That's the glory of living, something that separates us humans from others. Yes, it may mean you get hurt from time to time but that's okay...because it also means you've lived.

And so with this friend of mine who is leaving soon, I looked at him and said I'm thankful. He said, "I know." But I said I'm thankful again because maybe he doesn't really know. He is a friend, an encourager, and a great motivator. So I stood there looking at him. It's 8:30 p.m. right after the Dance Fitness class. I'm all sweaty and so is he. The thought that it's his last class finally sunk in and I was trying to hold on to this moment, to let him totally understand what I'm saying.

"I know." He smiled, the curve in his lips showed his sadness.

"Okay." I answered, surrendering to the fact my words were understood.

Unexpectedly, he stretched out his hands and we hugged. Tight and sweaty, his wet shirt against my sweaty top but they don't matter now, there are words unspoken not because I'm holding back but because language fails in this situation. And we stayed there for a few seconds, letting this single act work for the emotion, the bittersweet feeling of finally saying goodbye.

Looking back at what just happened, I'm reminded of some profound words I learned from Winnie the Pooh, " How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

When language fails, hug. It may only last for a few seconds but it expresses way beyond words and language. It's emotion in action.

x

Cathy

my god that never fails

Hao jiu bu jian means "long time no see" in Chinese. I noticed that the last time I posted something here was April of last year. Wow, I couldn't believe it!

The past months I've been busy completing my research paper for my master's degree. I submitted it two weeks ago and I'm glad to say that maybe I'm done with masters. Maybe...because I still don't have any confirmation from the school if I graduate. Heard that it may be one of these days. I could only hope.

Now, I'm thinking of what project to embark next. Study Chinese? Hmmm, maybe. Write a book? About what? Hmmm, gotta think. Or, whatever comes, yeah?

Aside from the master's degree, I've been busy going to the gym. April of last year, I signed up at Powerhouse Gym, one close to the workplace where I do my part-time job (writing and editing Tianjin Plus Magazine). I started familiarizing gym equipments, then attended Zumba classes, then Nike Training Club. I try my best to go at least 3 times a week, which is a bit hard since it's not very near my home. Yet, knowing me, when I like something, I don't care what pain I go through just to have it.

Have I learned anything about life lately? Or anything since my last post last year?

I'm not sure. A lot of things have happened and maybe I can say I did. However, one thing I'm sure for certain - God never fails. I failed many times, oh, so many times. I'm not the person I was before, I change. And in changes, there's always that part that may hurt others, hurt ones self, or hurt God. Yet, He never fails. The past weeks, I try my very best to be mindful of God's little help in even the tiniest things I do. And it got me so overwhelmed - the strength He gives me in opening a bottle of lemon honey mixture (gosh, so difficult), when He reminds me to double check my stuff and I realize I did forget something, when I overslept and His grace woke me up good enough to prepare and not be late, the energy He gives when I aim for 400 calories on the treadmill, the gladness at attending "deadly" Nike Training Club sessions, those encouraging hug by people I love, those wonderful smiles by strangers and students, the moment a student gives something that helps in my "almost-ill" condition...those and a thousand more things.

God never fails.

I did an interview for Tianjin Plus Magazine a couple of weeks ago. While waiting, I had a chat with our photographer - Mr. Wang. I couldn't remember why we talked about religion in our conversation but he spoke about him wishing he has a religion, especially now that he's getting old (Mr. Wang is in his 50s). He says it is a good guide and a source of encouragement.

Mr. Wang is right. Believing in Jesus is my religion. It's a truth that I will continue to hold on no matter what my heart condition is, whether I experience sadness or happiness. Jesus...He frees me and holds me enough not to let me go in times when I have doubt of who I am and what I should do. In those moments, He never fails.

And I just love Him a million times for that.

x

Cathy

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

I don't know why it took me this long to watch that movie. It has been on my dvd case and yesterday I just took it out and thought I'd watch it.

I love the movie and understood, in some ways, why the characters went through the medical process of erasing each other in their memories. I won't say I'd do the same but when you love someone, hate is easy. This is especially true when the "getting-to-know-you-how-exciting" stage subsides and reality sets in and you realize there are many things you don't like about each other. You fight, you create drama, you crave for attention, you get confused, you wonder, then you tell yourself you want out.

And so the main characters in the movie decided "out" by erasing each other in their memories. Perhaps the best reason why, was they don't want to deal with the pain, that wrenching pain, that gets to you when you realize your love has failed you, or at least your lover.

The problem was, though you erase the person and erase the pain, you also realize that you erase the greatest joy you felt being with that person. That happiness, fun, laughter...joy.

I was from the outside looking in, literally and figuratively. Watching the movie, I keep on saying to the characters, "why do that?". Yet also, in real life, I'm still in the outside looking in.

My wish is that when my time comes to love another human being with all my heart, I'd be wise and courageous enough that even when pain comes, I'd take it, live it, experience it...because out of that pain was my source of pure joy.

x

Cathy

beauty and suffering

"To possess true beauty, we must be willing to suffer. I don't like that. Just writing it down makes my heart shrink back. Yet, if Christ himself was perfected through his suffering, why would I believe God would not do the same thing with me? Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarge by suffering . By saying "yes" when the world says "no." By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they be loved in return. And by refusing to numb their pain in a myriad of ways available. They have come to know that when everyone and everything has left them, God is there. They have learned, along with David, that those who go through the desolate valley will find it a place of Springs. (Psalm 84:6)"

- Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

To battle boredom in the airport, picked this book up from my bookshelf and re-read it. It has spoken loudly this time. Maybe I'm one of those women who, for the longest time, hid myself from love because I didn't wanna get hurt. However, the line above says it all. Love suffers long, and unfortunately love and suffering makes one beautiful.

My prayer this 2012 is that I may never be afraid to love. Even if it means I'd get hurt, even if it means I'd be disappointed, even if it entails many lonely roads, confused signs, closed doors and bitter tears. Loving is worth it. It's worth it because I know that's what makes me human, woman, and Christ-like. When I love, I'm enjoined with Christ. I understand him, we become one. My pain becomes his pain and his light mine...and by that, I become more beautiful.

Amen.

x

Cathy

go for broke...

"Go for broke. Always try and do too much. Dispense with safety nets. Take a deep breath before you begin talking. Aim for the stars. Keep grinning. Be bloody-minded. Argue with the world. And don't forget that writing is as close as we get to keeping a hold on the thousand and one things - childhood, certainties, cities, doubts, dreams, instant phrases, parents, loves - that go on slipping , like sand, through our fingers." - Salman Rushdie

I don't want for them to just slip by.
I had to write and continue writing.

x

Cathy

back from my hiatus

It's been a long time, I've turned blog shy already. Thank God I'm back.

Here are the things that happened in my life for the past 5 months:

1. Enrolled at University of the Philippines Online University for Masters in Development Communication. I took two subjects last term and goodness, it was nerve-wracking! What with me taking two major subjects for my first term, truly a lot of work but yeah, I made it!

2. With my passion for writing, I joined Tianjin Plus, a magazine catering to foreigners in Tianjin. Now, I'm one of the editors (kuno!) and I'm loving it!

3. Finished my documentary for my major subject DevCom 207 Audio and Video Production. My documentary was about this Filipina who is teaching English in a Korean school here in Tianjin, China. I learned a lot from my production and I promised myself that it will never be my last production. I'm farming ideas for my next production, just for fun.

4. Visited Pinas for a month and a half. I arrived last week of December and went back here in Tianjin first week of Feb. While at home, I was always facing the computer and doing my masters project but aside from that, I enjoyed long talks with my parents. Truly priceless!

5. Visited my grandpa's brother. While in Pinas, I had this one long talk with my mom and we talked about my deceased grandpa's brother, Lolo Flor, who happens to be sick that time. The family is not well-off and needs help. The next day, me, my mom and cousin went grocery shopping and brought all the goods to Lolo Flor's house. It was a wonderful experience. Last month, Lolo Flor passed away. =(

6. This semester, I have this funny student named Jim. Jim is the kind of student who, even if his English isn't that good, would try his best to participate in class and even if his answers are wrong and funny, he'd give a good laugh about it. Well, one day in class we were talking about Chinese culture and Jim made mention of Zhongshan Zhuang, a Chinese tunic suit popularly known by foriegners as the Mao Suit. Since I don't know by that time what he meant, I joked that maybe he can wear it to class next time. It was just a joke but Jim took it seriously. The next week, he wore Zhongshan Zhuang! And what's more touching is that he ordered it online and bought it for more than a hundred CNY, which is not cheap! I felt sorry for Jim but as a teacher, I just felt so inspired. It's like a whole new zest in teaching was given to me. So, thank you, Jim!

7. I have always been vocal about my faith yet its not something that I force on people or let's just say I'm not the preachy type. Yet when you read my older posts you'd realize that I write about it a lot. The past months I felt like I've been too comfortable with where I am. Yes, I've been busy but with that I have depended so much on my own strength and not on God. The past weeks, I found myself going to bed and talking to God through my tears. I know that I have drifted and I miss what we used to have. And God's grace was and is sufficient. I love Him more for that.

8. One Sunday on our Bible Study, a friend brought in a woman who cried so hard because she felt the pains of divorce. Her husband left her for a younger woman and she feels devastated. We prayed for her. After our prayer, her eyes had a different sparkle. Must be the love of God. Father, let your love fill her. =)

9. It's now Springtime yet many times it doesnt feel like it. There are days that I have to wear my winter jacket out. Anyway, I'm just excited for spring and summer and so two days of retiring at home due to flue gave me the liberty to go over my wardrobe and see what I have. Looks like I need more tee dress and leggings. I felt like my fashion sense would change this year. Well, change is unevitable, I suppose.

Above all this, I say "thank you". Thank you that me and my family and friends are safe. Thank you that my struggles, worries, pains, disappointments, small victories and joy are all in your hand and I can sleep soundly at night knowing that the next day, I am safe with you. Thank you, God. Here's wishing I'd blog more in the coming months. And late as this may seem, cheers 2011!

Long post and thanks for reading!

x

Cathy

a reason to hope

Right now I want to run barefooted on a rain-soaked ground, or look over my shoulder and see a pair of miraculous wings getting ready to fly.

I want to step on the moon and dance Jason Mraz's La Nueva Belleza there, paint a rainbow, speak 4 more languages, or hug a lion twice my size.

I long to enter in a world where fireflies welcome me with lights and songs, where a panda bear would stretch out its paw and walk with me, where the dancing Birds of Paradise would change its shape for me and just dance, dance, dance.

Right now, I could be at the Tianjin Olympic Stadium rocking with Chinese superstar Jay Zhou, not minding if I only understand a few words in his songs. Or, I could be in Naples, at Pizzeria de Michelle, savoring every bite of their heavenly thin-crusted pizza with extra, extra cheese.

Or I could be in Spain, in a classroom learning Spanish, por fabor, or in Thailand riding an elephant, or in Tibet raising my own prayer flags.

I want to see the world with its true beauty and explore its fullness, its freedom. Where I don't need to be rich to travel to Europe or America, where I don't have to be seen by my physical features but instead, knowing that I am far from perfect, would be seen with grace and mercy.

I want to see a world free from fear and bondage. A world where everyone has smiles on their faces, where people dance cha-cha with angels on street corners, or strangers hugging each other with thoughts of purity, brotherhood and goodness in their minds.

A world where love is not merely spoken but acted upon.

A world where the color of skin is not an issue, where language is bridge, not a wall. A world where people think of serving others and ask themselves, "how can I be a gift to this person? how can I be of help?

A world where there are no voices telling me who I am or who I am not.

I know, I am dreaming. For right now I am inside my room, writing this blog entry. The space hardly even fits an elephant, or if a lion twice my size visits it would be unable to come through the door.

I live in a world where fireflies would die of pollution, where panda bear is endangered and rare, or where running barefoot under the rain isn't freedom but insanity. The world can easily put you in a box and label you. The world can easily tell you what you cannot do. The world can kill your passion, your hopes and ambitions.

And yet my heart longs for something more than this world can offer. There are things to experience, places to go, freedom to be tasted, adventures to be excited about, provisions to be enjoyed. There are rainbows waiting to be chased, and stalagmites beautifying its form, and wild gardens, untouched by the failings of men, asking only that we enjoy the view they can offer and let them be.

I long for a world that may seem impossible for the here and now, yet, I have hope.

To hope for something, somehow, is a resting place, or a dream of the imagination, or could it be reality in a different spectrum? Possible.

Yet for me, there is always a reason to hope.

And so I smile, with thoughts of angels dancing cha-cha, and me flying. Up there where the birds soar. Up there where the skies are blue.

new years and birthdays

The good thing about new years and birthdays is that they don't only tell you how fast time flies, but they also tell you how faithful God is. That as you look back at what had been, you can't help but thank the big Guy above for being there.

Another thing about new years and birthdays is that they are suppose to tell us that the good things are up ahead. I said supposed to, because not all of us sees it that way.

This morning, I woke up telling God I'm somehow confused what my next step will be. Will I stay here, or am I gonna start looking for something/somewhere else? Do I need to find some things else that I can find inspiration to? I was asking whether I've been so attached to what I have that God could no longer move me to somewhere else. You know, if God wants you to move somewhere, He could not do it on His own without your permission. That's why He gives us freewill. It has to have our decision and choice.

After some time, I'd have to ask myself, is it a heart not focused on the Maker that's why questions like this arise?

One thing I learned though, it's today. Today. There's no use looking back at what was behind me, or of wishing tomorrow's going to fix the issues. What I have is today, this God-given time for me to move into where He and I wants for tomorrow.

When I followed Brenden Brown (pastor/worship leader/ Christian singer) in twitter, he sent me a direct message saying his thanks and telling me that the best days are ahead.

And this morning, I remember that as I watched Rob Bell's NOOMA entitled "Today".

Somehow, even if we get stuck or lazy at focusing on God, He has His way of sending a message that would dig deep to the core and make you notice and hear. I so like that attitude of God, He knows so well I slack in many parts of my faithwalk but His grace is always, always available.

Thank God.

So about new years and birthdays...they are reminders that the best days are ahead. Why? Because God is good, faithful...and He knows what He is doing. I have Jeremiah 29:11 to prove that.

And speaking of new year --- xinnian kuiale! 新年快乐！It felt like a total warzone when the Chinese started lighting fireworks and firecrackers for the Chinese New Year. It looked pretty from outside my window, but at some point (especially on the eve of Feb. 14), the noise from fireworks and firecrackers got crazily loud...and I think that's the fun of it all.

Aside from the Chinese New Year, the past days were also two of my friends' birthdays - Glenda and Ruby. The pictures above was during our visit to TEDA, Tianjin (yesterday)...to celebrate Ruby's birthday.

So whether it's a birthday or New Year celeb, I hope and pray I'd always remember to thank God for today...and realize that today is the key for best days ahead. =)

x

Cathy

valentines

Valentine's...to remind us that love is important and that no matter how hard life is, it's still worth living because of the throbbing heart of those people around us. Where there's a heart, there's always this capacity for goodness.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the people in the world, my voice is not loud enough for people to hear this greeting, just think of the louder voice of valentine's tv commercials, or of the noise coming from politics, or show business; not to mention that voices of hate, or anger, or self-pity, or fear from everyone's heart.

But I'm saying my greetings anyway...happy valentine's day to all, to you who is reading this. As I'm writing this blog entry I thought about the times I committed something wrong and thought I don't deserve to walk a good path again, but always, there's this magnet to put me back on the right track. That must be love right there.

And I'm pretty sure the same is true to everyone. No matter what road's you've taken, how hard the journey, how crazy the path and how frustrating were your mistakes and sins...there's love available for you, to keep you back on track.

I pray everyone finds love this Valentine's day. Not only that cheezy, over-commercialized kind of love, but love that changes someone from the inside out. Love that carries mercy, hope, faith and grace.

And with love, be thankful.

x

Cathy

happy chinese new year

In Chinese they say, "Xinnian Kuaile!" (新年快乐！）

Time flies really fast, before we know it it's already the second month of the year! =)

I'm back in Tianjin and last Saturday there was snow. On Sunday, I was debating whether I'd go to Church or not since the weather puts me in a lazy mood these days. In the end, I went to church, enjoyed welcoming the churchgoers, felt God speaking in worship and in the preaching, plus, took pics of me with the snow right after.

I should also mention that I had Bible Study with Pinoy folks after lunch, and flick time of Julie&Julia (the movie). Thank God for an awesome weekend.

The second and third pics above previews the Chinese New Year, aside from the red lanterns and decors with Chinese characters of goodluck & charm, the firecrackers & fireworks play a pretty much big role in this holiday. Those boxes in the pics explain what I mean.

Xinnian kuaile! May joy be felt, not just in China but all over the world.

x

Cathy

cebu, cebu!

It's nice to be back even for just a few weeks. Hello from Cebu!

x

Cathy

thanks 2009, hello 2010!

After a long hiatus, I am back. No need of an applause, in fact, I'm here to play hermit and obey what my hands will lead me as the brain thinks and the fingers tap.

I have to admit, I've never done so much thinking lately. I needed to do a lot - family time, time with pets, visiting friends, processing documents, household chores, reading books, Chinese studies, twitter, facebook, emails, and lots more.

Thus, until now, I still am asking myself what 2010 means to me, and my plans, and dreams, and wishes. There are probably a lot, or maybe much remains the same.

The reason why until now I'm still asking myself is because I haven't done much praying lately. Yes, I am sorry and I admit it. My prayer time these days are those that's composed of thanksgiving and short pauses when reading something online that requires prayer, or when I think of someone and the voice inside me says I need to lift it up in prayer but other than those, I know I needed time to sit, and listen, or praise and worship...and just be still before Him. Allow Him to soak me in His presence, stay longer and just be with Him.

And I miss doing that.

It's 2010 and I havent done much thinking because I havent doing much staying with Him. I know He is my planner, and I know the desires of my heart comes from Him alone, that's why I won't be making plans unless I've talked it over with Him, or received it from Him.

In 2009, God taught me much about grace. In fact, I realized lately that my whole life will be all about grace. Twenty plus some years ago, a couple who were new parents decided to give their baby girl a name "Ann Catherine" though they had no idea that the name means "pure grace". Or should I say that before time begun, a God who knows what earth would be like, including its inhabitants and the planets and stars surrounding it, had in his mind what my name would be and what I would become.

My life's a story of pure grace.

My sins were forgiven, and I mean all, even those I haven't done yet. My mistakes would work together for good. The weapons and schemes fashioned against me will remain a failure until the end. I am a bearer of great light even though I so many times see the darkness in me. God's grace and goodness follows me all the days of my life even though many times I get confused at how God works in my life.

It's a story of pure grace because all these favors that I have and will have is not supposed to be mine but Jesus'. It still blows my mind to think of a powerful God who came to be man and took all my sins as His, but when I think about His love, though my understanding is foggy for now, I'd think about stars and butterflies and rainbows, and birds chirping, cool breeze on a hot day, or proper heater on a harsh winter. I'd think about beauty, and goodness, and love that comes from the inmost being - true, pure and gentle...and Him, the lover who stays true though my season changes. Him whose waiting as I frazzle myself with things that wouldnt matter an hour after. It's just grace - His grace. It comes not from a power from me but from beyond me, from Him alone.

And so for 2010, the story of pure grace continues - of God adventures, of laughters and friends, of opportunities and risks, of victories and learnings, of travels to places that I've never been, or visits to places I've gone, of the lovewalks and hugs and its ups and downs...of so many other things only a God so wise and loving could create.

Just pure grace.

2010, jia you! 加油！

x

Cathy

his goodness and love

Not much, I just wanna put, in written form, how excited I am for what God will do through me. At how awesome His plans are for me. In Psalm 23, it says that "only goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life."

It doesn't matter if at times all I see are difficulties and disappointments, I need not trust what I see with my naked eyes, because the truth is, no matter how I see these setbacks, only God's goodness and love will follow me for the rest of my days.

Being reminded of His goodness and love following me makes the day clearer. The world will try it's best to make me believe that I am alone, that I am helpless and unworthy. But I have learned, daily, that the world is a big liar...that its shouts and pressures are roads that would lead to chaos, self-centeredness and sin.

Yet, my God's love leads me to that inner place where there is peace, and hope...and lots of love. And this is where I get so excited...His love leads me to my best. His love makes me stronger, and encourages me to explore new shores, widen my territory and "enlarge my tent."

That's why I'm so excited. With His love and goodness following me, my every step is a step taken with Him.

"I'll walk with you, wherever You go, through the tears and joy, I'll trust in You." - Hillsong Australia, 'With All I Am"

x

Cathy

inspiration

Tonight, I want to hug every person I meet, and sing, and worship God, and laugh hard.

But here I am, tapping these lines...writing. I wanna go back to writing, this first love. This first passion that will be with me until the end of my life.

I know I have stories to tell, and I also know that some may not listen. I know I have it, but I'm so afraid, or lazy, or forgetful of this.

But tonight, the inspiration comes, in the form of a person, or of a music, or of an action so free and unfettered.

So before life takes its toll and takes this inspiration away, this unwriter writer uses the magic of the moment to capture what is formed from the present state, for tomorrow this may fade away as another day breaks, and as another story comes.

Tonight, I wanna thank the Author of stories for allowing me to see at this time, this person, this music, this action...that forms into an inspiration that may never be here tomorrow.

The fleeting ticking of the clock, it's sound, makes its way into my ears...and I know for certain that the the life of the moment ends as this line ends.

And starts again.

But it's never gonna be the same.

(谢谢你WLH)

x

Cathy

sweet pleasures of the day

Started the day quite bored. I know I needed to prepare for my classes on Monday but I wasn't really in the mood for it. Waited until noon and decided, after lots of thinking, to go to my favorite coffee shop - Modern Memory. I brought lots of books with me plus pens and notebooks. I know it's going to be a reading adventure.

And it really was. The mellow music playing in the coffee shop, plus the classic ambience of old furnitures and antique collections, charmed me as I flipped page after page of the books I brought. What have you, I even finished reading one book - Open Your Heart with Writing by Neil Rosen - when I have had a hard time finishing reading the book for months for lack of time to read.

Aside from reading, I also did preparations for the Bible study tomorrow. Our topic would be about Jesus and how He, the Son of God, needed friends to support Him at His time of sorrow when He was here on earth. Just a question, Jesus asked Peter, James and John to stay awake with Him at His greatest sorrow (the agony in the garden, Read Matthew 26) and they kept falling asleep. Do you think it would have been different if there was a woman with them? Or if Jesus brought women with Him instead of the three? I guess it would be a completely different story, as I know for sure that people would speculate so much as to why Jesus would bring women with Him. But really, I was wondering about that, about the difference if it were women.

Anyway, after the coffee shop, I went to my favorite scented candle store and whoopsie! the vendor gave me an extra candle holder and scented candle that goes with the two I'm buying. I asked her if she sells candle holder only and she said no, I have to buy the candle and it's holder. I was disappointed but she was so kind to give it to me instead. What a blessing!

After the shop, decided to walk to the bus stop and noticed the clear blue skies and the sunny day that goes with it. I noticed how the air seemed different this time as Autumn's around, no more harshness from the sun and there is coolness in the air that makes one desire to walk and stroll and enjoy the lovely day.

In my apartment and another whoopsie! Jim, a colleague from Canada, traveled to Macau and he went back with the yummiest pie in the whole wide world - the portuguese egg tarts! =) Thank you, burp, burp, burp. =)

At the end of the day, after the scrumptuous dumplings at dinner, after the visit to my favorite fruits shop, after lighting scented candles in my room and delighting at their aroma...I'm tapping at these keyboard trying to just say how amazing it is for God to spill pleasures in a dreary day. The walk under the sunshine, the janitor cleaning the streets, the kids playing on street corners, or even at the inquisitive taxi driver...all are pleasures within the day that I experienced as I opened my eyes to the magic of the moment, no matter how ordinary it may seem for other people. They are life's sweet pleasures - God given - spontaneous and sporadic and they carry special messages of love and care for each one of us. However, it requires the eyes to see, and the mind to know that they are messages from God made especially for you.

If you don't notice them - the laughter of the children, the scent of the candles, the smile of the sun, the taste of egg tarts - they then slip away and you would not receive the message of love and wisdom those moments hold.

And today, I got His messages. I should look up and say my thanks now. =)

x

Cathy

a teenager's basketball (love) story

Aug. 6-16 is the FIBA (Federation Internationale Basketball Associacion) Asian Championship here in Tianjin, China. The Philippine Team lead by Coach Yeng Guaio is, at this time, doing pretty well with 3 wins and 1 loss. Hope things will continue to stay positive.

I watched the Philippine team battle it out against Japan last Friday. They won, thank God. Me and my friend, Irene, had so much of shrieks and shills I actually felt my throat getting scratchy after the game. I remember how I used to be so gaga over PBA when I was in high school.

All the while while I was hollering my support to the Philippine Team, I remember that nerdy high schooler whose only vise outside her studies was that she feel in love with a gentleman named Vergel Meneses. But their love cannot be because he already loved someone else, and besides, it was only a one-sided love affair. He didn't even know she existed. Their, er, her love started when she saw him slug a move in the basketball court that seemed like he was suspended mid-air and the ball he has on his had landed on the ring with suave, she gasped and the sparks flew from around her, her eyes light up red lights that formed two hearts. Then a melody filled the air, and there was no turning back, her heart is attached.

Well, that was a long time ago. Vegel Meneses retired from playing basketball years after that while she, the loveburst teenager, graduated from HS, then college, found a job in a newspaper company, then resigned and landed a job in Tianjin, China. She's now enjoying her single life with a bit of craziness, or rather lots of it...then sometimes, just sometimes, she looks back at the past and laughs at how silly she was. Of how her being a fan goes beyond watching the game, or of how easy it is for someone so young to like someone and call it "love," without any hesitation.

But then again, she learned from it...or else I'd have nothing else to write in this entry.

Did I mention that the Philippine team won that night against Japan? Sorry, reminiscing got the better of me.

Jiayou, Philippine team! Go! Go! Go, noypis!

(Note: pics above were taken at the game Phil. vs. Japan, Aug. 7, 2009 at the Tianjin Olympic Stadium. Third pic was with my friend Irene together with the assistant coaches and staff of the team, and the last was with the impressive player of the night - Asi Taulava).

x

Cathy

verses

"My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the King, my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer." Psalm 45:1

Verses

I want to write
About your love
Of how you see me
At my worst and best

I want to write
About the flowers you sent
Or how the rainbow looks different
When you’re in my mind

I want to write
About the rain, or the sunny day
And how it’s both meaningful
Because of you

I want to write
About the silence of your love
Or the loudness of it
Or its constancy and strength

I want to write
About your life in me,
Or mine in you,
Our boundless tale of love

I want to write
Then recite it to you
See a smile passing your lips
Or your eyes reflecting your heart

I want to write
Verses of you and me
Then sing to the rhythm of its words
And dance under the stars and moon

acperez aug 2, 2009

x

Cathy