back from my hiatus

It's been a long time, I've turned blog shy already. Thank God I'm back.

Here are the things that happened in my life for the past 5 months:

1. Enrolled at University of the Philippines Online University for Masters in Development Communication. I took two subjects last term and goodness, it was nerve-wracking! What with me taking two major subjects for my first term, truly a lot of work but yeah, I made it!

2. With my passion for writing, I joined Tianjin Plus, a magazine catering to foreigners in Tianjin. Now, I'm one of the editors (kuno!) and I'm loving it!

3. Finished my documentary for my major subject DevCom 207 Audio and Video Production. My documentary was about this Filipina who is teaching English in a Korean school here in Tianjin, China. I learned a lot from my production and I promised myself that it will never be my last production. I'm farming ideas for my next production, just for fun.

4. Visited Pinas for a month and a half. I arrived last week of December and went back here in Tianjin first week of Feb. While at home, I was always facing the computer and doing my masters project but aside from that, I enjoyed long talks with my parents. Truly priceless!

5. Visited my grandpa's brother. While in Pinas, I had this one long talk with my mom and we talked about my deceased grandpa's brother, Lolo Flor, who happens to be sick that time. The family is not well-off and needs help. The next day, me, my mom and cousin went grocery shopping and brought all the goods to Lolo Flor's house. It was a wonderful experience. Last month, Lolo Flor passed away. =(

6. This semester, I have this funny student named Jim. Jim is the kind of student who, even if his English isn't that good, would try his best to participate in class and even if his answers are wrong and funny, he'd give a good laugh about it. Well, one day in class we were talking about Chinese culture and Jim made mention of Zhongshan Zhuang, a Chinese tunic suit popularly known by foriegners as the Mao Suit. Since I don't know by that time what he meant, I joked that maybe he can wear it to class next time. It was just a joke but Jim took it seriously. The next week, he wore Zhongshan Zhuang! And what's more touching is that he ordered it online and bought it for more than a hundred CNY, which is not cheap! I felt sorry for Jim but as a teacher, I just felt so inspired. It's like a whole new zest in teaching was given to me. So, thank you, Jim!

7. I have always been vocal about my faith yet its not something that I force on people or let's just say I'm not the preachy type. Yet when you read my older posts you'd realize that I write about it a lot. The past months I felt like I've been too comfortable with where I am. Yes, I've been busy but with that I have depended so much on my own strength and not on God. The past weeks, I found myself going to bed and talking to God through my tears. I know that I have drifted and I miss what we used to have. And God's grace was and is sufficient. I love Him more for that.

8. One Sunday on our Bible Study, a friend brought in a woman who cried so hard because she felt the pains of divorce. Her husband left her for a younger woman and she feels devastated. We prayed for her. After our prayer, her eyes had a different sparkle. Must be the love of God. Father, let your love fill her. =)

9. It's now Springtime yet many times it doesnt feel like it. There are days that I have to wear my winter jacket out. Anyway, I'm just excited for spring and summer and so two days of retiring at home due to flue gave me the liberty to go over my wardrobe and see what I have. Looks like I need more tee dress and leggings. I felt like my fashion sense would change this year. Well, change is unevitable, I suppose.

Above all this, I say "thank you". Thank you that me and my family and friends are safe. Thank you that my struggles, worries, pains, disappointments, small victories and joy are all in your hand and I can sleep soundly at night knowing that the next day, I am safe with you. Thank you, God. Here's wishing I'd blog more in the coming months. And late as this may seem, cheers 2011!

Long post and thanks for reading!

x

Cathy

a reason to hope

Right now I want to run barefooted on a rain-soaked ground, or look over my shoulder and see a pair of miraculous wings getting ready to fly.

I want to step on the moon and dance Jason Mraz's La Nueva Belleza there, paint a rainbow, speak 4 more languages, or hug a lion twice my size.

I long to enter in a world where fireflies welcome me with lights and songs, where a panda bear would stretch out its paw and walk with me, where the dancing Birds of Paradise would change its shape for me and just dance, dance, dance.

Right now, I could be at the Tianjin Olympic Stadium rocking with Chinese superstar Jay Zhou, not minding if I only understand a few words in his songs. Or, I could be in Naples, at Pizzeria de Michelle, savoring every bite of their heavenly thin-crusted pizza with extra, extra cheese.

Or I could be in Spain, in a classroom learning Spanish, por fabor, or in Thailand riding an elephant, or in Tibet raising my own prayer flags.

I want to see the world with its true beauty and explore its fullness, its freedom. Where I don't need to be rich to travel to Europe or America, where I don't have to be seen by my physical features but instead, knowing that I am far from perfect, would be seen with grace and mercy.

I want to see a world free from fear and bondage. A world where everyone has smiles on their faces, where people dance cha-cha with angels on street corners, or strangers hugging each other with thoughts of purity, brotherhood and goodness in their minds.

A world where love is not merely spoken but acted upon.

A world where the color of skin is not an issue, where language is bridge, not a wall. A world where people think of serving others and ask themselves, "how can I be a gift to this person? how can I be of help?

A world where there are no voices telling me who I am or who I am not.

I know, I am dreaming. For right now I am inside my room, writing this blog entry. The space hardly even fits an elephant, or if a lion twice my size visits it would be unable to come through the door.

I live in a world where fireflies would die of pollution, where panda bear is endangered and rare, or where running barefoot under the rain isn't freedom but insanity. The world can easily put you in a box and label you. The world can easily tell you what you cannot do. The world can kill your passion, your hopes and ambitions.

And yet my heart longs for something more than this world can offer. There are things to experience, places to go, freedom to be tasted, adventures to be excited about, provisions to be enjoyed. There are rainbows waiting to be chased, and stalagmites beautifying its form, and wild gardens, untouched by the failings of men, asking only that we enjoy the view they can offer and let them be.

I long for a world that may seem impossible for the here and now, yet, I have hope.

To hope for something, somehow, is a resting place, or a dream of the imagination, or could it be reality in a different spectrum? Possible.

Yet for me, there is always a reason to hope.

And so I smile, with thoughts of angels dancing cha-cha, and me flying. Up there where the birds soar. Up there where the skies are blue.

new years and birthdays

The good thing about new years and birthdays is that they don't only tell you how fast time flies, but they also tell you how faithful God is. That as you look back at what had been, you can't help but thank the big Guy above for being there.

Another thing about new years and birthdays is that they are suppose to tell us that the good things are up ahead. I said supposed to, because not all of us sees it that way.

This morning, I woke up telling God I'm somehow confused what my next step will be. Will I stay here, or am I gonna start looking for something/somewhere else? Do I need to find some things else that I can find inspiration to? I was asking whether I've been so attached to what I have that God could no longer move me to somewhere else. You know, if God wants you to move somewhere, He could not do it on His own without your permission. That's why He gives us freewill. It has to have our decision and choice.

After some time, I'd have to ask myself, is it a heart not focused on the Maker that's why questions like this arise?

One thing I learned though, it's today. Today. There's no use looking back at what was behind me, or of wishing tomorrow's going to fix the issues. What I have is today, this God-given time for me to move into where He and I wants for tomorrow.

When I followed Brenden Brown (pastor/worship leader/ Christian singer) in twitter, he sent me a direct message saying his thanks and telling me that the best days are ahead.

And this morning, I remember that as I watched Rob Bell's NOOMA entitled "Today".

Somehow, even if we get stuck or lazy at focusing on God, He has His way of sending a message that would dig deep to the core and make you notice and hear. I so like that attitude of God, He knows so well I slack in many parts of my faithwalk but His grace is always, always available.

Thank God.

So about new years and birthdays...they are reminders that the best days are ahead. Why? Because God is good, faithful...and He knows what He is doing. I have Jeremiah 29:11 to prove that.

And speaking of new year --- xinnian kuiale! 新年快乐！It felt like a total warzone when the Chinese started lighting fireworks and firecrackers for the Chinese New Year. It looked pretty from outside my window, but at some point (especially on the eve of Feb. 14), the noise from fireworks and firecrackers got crazily loud...and I think that's the fun of it all.

Aside from the Chinese New Year, the past days were also two of my friends' birthdays - Glenda and Ruby. The pictures above was during our visit to TEDA, Tianjin (yesterday)...to celebrate Ruby's birthday.

So whether it's a birthday or New Year celeb, I hope and pray I'd always remember to thank God for today...and realize that today is the key for best days ahead. =)

x

Cathy

valentines

Valentine's...to remind us that love is important and that no matter how hard life is, it's still worth living because of the throbbing heart of those people around us. Where there's a heart, there's always this capacity for goodness.

Happy Valentine's Day to all the people in the world, my voice is not loud enough for people to hear this greeting, just think of the louder voice of valentine's tv commercials, or of the noise coming from politics, or show business; not to mention that voices of hate, or anger, or self-pity, or fear from everyone's heart.

But I'm saying my greetings anyway...happy valentine's day to all, to you who is reading this. As I'm writing this blog entry I thought about the times I committed something wrong and thought I don't deserve to walk a good path again, but always, there's this magnet to put me back on the right track. That must be love right there.

And I'm pretty sure the same is true to everyone. No matter what road's you've taken, how hard the journey, how crazy the path and how frustrating were your mistakes and sins...there's love available for you, to keep you back on track.

I pray everyone finds love this Valentine's day. Not only that cheezy, over-commercialized kind of love, but love that changes someone from the inside out. Love that carries mercy, hope, faith and grace.

And with love, be thankful.

x

Cathy

happy chinese new year

In Chinese they say, "Xinnian Kuaile!" (新年快乐！）

Time flies really fast, before we know it it's already the second month of the year! =)

I'm back in Tianjin and last Saturday there was snow. On Sunday, I was debating whether I'd go to Church or not since the weather puts me in a lazy mood these days. In the end, I went to church, enjoyed welcoming the churchgoers, felt God speaking in worship and in the preaching, plus, took pics of me with the snow right after.

I should also mention that I had Bible Study with Pinoy folks after lunch, and flick time of Julie&Julia (the movie). Thank God for an awesome weekend.

The second and third pics above previews the Chinese New Year, aside from the red lanterns and decors with Chinese characters of goodluck & charm, the firecrackers & fireworks play a pretty much big role in this holiday. Those boxes in the pics explain what I mean.

Xinnian kuaile! May joy be felt, not just in China but all over the world.

x

Cathy

cebu, cebu!

It's nice to be back even for just a few weeks. Hello from Cebu!

x

Cathy

thanks 2009, hello 2010!

After a long hiatus, I am back. No need of an applause, in fact, I'm here to play hermit and obey what my hands will lead me as the brain thinks and the fingers tap.

I have to admit, I've never done so much thinking lately. I needed to do a lot - family time, time with pets, visiting friends, processing documents, household chores, reading books, Chinese studies, twitter, facebook, emails, and lots more.

Thus, until now, I still am asking myself what 2010 means to me, and my plans, and dreams, and wishes. There are probably a lot, or maybe much remains the same.

The reason why until now I'm still asking myself is because I haven't done much praying lately. Yes, I am sorry and I admit it. My prayer time these days are those that's composed of thanksgiving and short pauses when reading something online that requires prayer, or when I think of someone and the voice inside me says I need to lift it up in prayer but other than those, I know I needed time to sit, and listen, or praise and worship...and just be still before Him. Allow Him to soak me in His presence, stay longer and just be with Him.

And I miss doing that.

It's 2010 and I havent done much thinking because I havent doing much staying with Him. I know He is my planner, and I know the desires of my heart comes from Him alone, that's why I won't be making plans unless I've talked it over with Him, or received it from Him.

In 2009, God taught me much about grace. In fact, I realized lately that my whole life will be all about grace. Twenty plus some years ago, a couple who were new parents decided to give their baby girl a name "Ann Catherine" though they had no idea that the name means "pure grace". Or should I say that before time begun, a God who knows what earth would be like, including its inhabitants and the planets and stars surrounding it, had in his mind what my name would be and what I would become.

My life's a story of pure grace.

My sins were forgiven, and I mean all, even those I haven't done yet. My mistakes would work together for good. The weapons and schemes fashioned against me will remain a failure until the end. I am a bearer of great light even though I so many times see the darkness in me. God's grace and goodness follows me all the days of my life even though many times I get confused at how God works in my life.

It's a story of pure grace because all these favors that I have and will have is not supposed to be mine but Jesus'. It still blows my mind to think of a powerful God who came to be man and took all my sins as His, but when I think about His love, though my understanding is foggy for now, I'd think about stars and butterflies and rainbows, and birds chirping, cool breeze on a hot day, or proper heater on a harsh winter. I'd think about beauty, and goodness, and love that comes from the inmost being - true, pure and gentle...and Him, the lover who stays true though my season changes. Him whose waiting as I frazzle myself with things that wouldnt matter an hour after. It's just grace - His grace. It comes not from a power from me but from beyond me, from Him alone.

And so for 2010, the story of pure grace continues - of God adventures, of laughters and friends, of opportunities and risks, of victories and learnings, of travels to places that I've never been, or visits to places I've gone, of the lovewalks and hugs and its ups and downs...of so many other things only a God so wise and loving could create.

Just pure grace.

2010, jia you! 加油！

x

Cathy