Hangzhou, earth's paradise

Hangzhou is a little overcast yesterday, and I guess it will be the same today. What's amazing is that though the skies are cloudy, the beauty of Hangzhou could not be hidden.

Yesterday, I had a boat ride through West Lake, it was cold but worth the ride. And from the boat, we got off at the place where there are lush greeneries, fantastic gardens and awesome mountains. It's a paradise, indeed.

If Hangzhou is a paradise, people here are maybe "angels"? Well, going to the tea museum, I observed that most of the people we met along the road were old people, around 50-60, and they were very welcome when you ask a question or two.

There is a water show in West Lake, just across the Grand Hyatt Hangzhou. We went there at 6:30 but one said that the show starts at 7, so we went to Starbucks, which is just 5 minutes walk from the water show area, to grab some drinks, then get back at 7 when the water show started. I was speechless at how it worked - music, lights, and water...gorgeous!

I have several photos of Hangzhou which I could not post today, and more stories which I could not tell by now. Hopefully I could fill you in with more on my next post.

I realized that I havent updated my blog for several weeks, and these weeks are quite important weeks with happenings like - my birthday, another friend's bithday, Christmas party with Pinoys (where the snow came at 11:30 to add more fun on our party), Christmas dinner (where I begin to appreciate red and white wine), Christmas party with Indonesians (where I discovered I'm good at eating contests, hahaha!) and all the other joys that came in between - yet, I did not blog about them. Am I too lazy to write now? I dunno.

For now, let me enjoy Hangzhou and savor the paradise it offers.

End of the road

"We have reached the end of the road." I told my last class this afternoon.

Today was my last day for this term. Beginning tomorrow I'm a free lady. Well, I'm still tied up to calculating grades but I don't have to wake up so early and rush with my coffee and run and pant to catch the school bus. I can relax beginning tomorrow.

There's this certain laziness that surrounds winter. It should be because of the cold. My alarm is always set at 5:15, and so I wake up at that time. Then I go back to sleep and wake up at about 30 minutes after, this time I'm already hastening myself to the bathroom, drag myself to the early morning bath, think speedily of what to wear, munch a bread or something while gulping down my coffee. Those, and a lot of other miscellaneous stuff I have to do.

Imagine me sighing a deep breath once I'm settled in the school bus. If those things did not pump up my winter morning, I don't know what else can.

Yet I'm at the end of the road for this term.

No more hustle-bustle morning. I can enjoy my coffee while reading the news in the internet, or do my devotion devoid of a hanging question mark in my head asking what time it is already.

End of the road, when you stop a bit and become cognizant of the fact that you don't have any iota of an idea what's next for you. When you have fear in your heart but at the same breath believe that faith will see you through. When you think about the times you will miss, or the people; but also fantasize about the possibilities of the future.

End of the road. You let go of those that you did not need in the journey and bring with you that which benefits. You take what you learned and throw away that which hurts.

When I think about this "End of the road" moment that I'm experiencing, I think about how, as a kid, I would go back to where I'm from once I realize I'm at the end of the road. But in life it always doesn't work that way. The end of the road doesn't mean turning back but moving on. It doesn't mean you retreat but in fact it means you take heart because there is more to come.

Because the truth is, the end of the road has an opening, a door, but it's only for those who has the eyes to see it, or the heart to know the difference.

cute!

Isn't this cute? This is a drawing on the whiteboard of my classroom (Room 204). A student drew this while waiting for me to arrive. She is to take her Oral English final exam that day.

I told her I was so happy with what she drew because I looked so pretty. Sweet!

Wait, does this mean I'm going to give her a high mark because of this drawing? You guess! Heheh!

teaching and loving

I shared to friends a week ago that teaching, for me, has been an up and down ride, like a roller-coaster, if you like. There were days I felt really good at the end of the day. Flashed on my mind were my students' smiles, laughters and funny reactions or statements that made me proud and grateful to be a teacher.

In the meantime, there were frustrating days. I remember going to bed one night, and asking God for help, like really asking, because I felt so weak to deal with teaching stuff on my own.

But both the good days and the bad are part of the package of being a teacher, and I would exchange it for no other.

I know the feeling of how to have a "terror teacher." One that would shake you to your foundations just by one look of a teacher's sharp eyes, or by the piercing words that would hurt so much. So, I don't do that.

I also know of how it is to have a boring teacher, one that would let us read pages of a book in the entire class, or would assign us to report so that she could get away with her responsibility to teach. I'm not saying that assigning students to report/research on some topics is bad, but there are teachers who would use that for the entire term. I don't buy that teaching idea.

So, I'd like to think that I am not a terror teacher, nor a boring one. I have no definite term for what I am as a "laoshi," and it's fine with me to let things go like that.

This term is closing, I actually have less than 2 weeks left. I must admit, I'm emotional again. To tell you honestly, my first term as a teacher, when I found out that I will not be teaching the same students for the next term, I was so disappointed that I almost cried in class (I held back the tears, ok?) when I announced it to the students.

In my second term, because I was busy with the English program in Hyatt International Hotel, I wasn't so much down.

But this term...hay!

I thought I'm good at this already. I thought I'm good at saying goodbye. I'm still not. Or maybe I never will be.

I started giving my final exam this morning. It was an individual Oral exam and so I had the time to speak to students' individually and at the same time get to know them better. As time moved on within the day, It made sense to me that my students' life were interesting to learn about. I wish to follow it, like a person kicking back at the sofa and trying to figure out what's gonna happen next in the ongoing television drama. I wish to know what's gonna happen next with this young lives I've learned to love.

I really don't know if I'm a good teacher. I know some students have looked deep inside of me, of my weaknesses and my emotions, or my strenghts and idealism. Of how I am on a sunny day, or of how my temper gets the better of me when I'm running short of patience.

Yet just now, I realized something. The reason why I will never be able to master the art of saying goodbye to students is that I cannot separate teaching and loving. As I teach students, I learn to love them. It's like I've given them a part of me - of my brain, of my heart.

And the reason it's hard to say goodbye is because it's always hard to let go of something, or someone, you love.