Of love and a new adventure

(Posted this in my Facebook on 8 October 2015, a week after our civil wedding. Here's a glimpse of out lovestory, may it teach you a thing or two about love and the right timing.)

Around this time last week, me and Bjørn had our civil wedding. It was in a small island in the south of Denmark called Ærø and contrary to the current weather in Denmark this week, the whole of last week was sunny and brilliant. We had a small and intimate dinner with Bjørn's family and had a great time talking, laughing, and even some dancing. Church wedding is happening come January, the same week that Bjørn is celebrating his birthday.

There is a quote that says, “every love story is beautiful, but ours is my favorite.” Ours is a whirlwind love story but it’s also the kind that gives meaning. Before I met Bjørn, I’d been asked so many times why I was single that it got pretty tiring to explain to people why. When you enjoy your single life, there's no point to be in a relationship. Looking back, it was an adventure-filled single life – I travelled to different cities and places in Asia. I met different kinds of people and talked to them about anything under the sun. I gained confidence in many aspects of myself. I took my Masters Degree and worked two jobs as a university instructor and writer/columnist/editor in China. I have interviewed people from different walks of life and enjoyed every single one of them. I read books, lots of them and even thought of writing my own book (maybe one day). I backpacked in the south of China and had my skin bruised by biking, walking barefoot, and climbing mountains. I also applied for intense programs at the gym and found myself losing weight as I kicked and punched in Body Combat sessions and sashayed and wiggled at Zumba classes. Indeed, I enjoyed and was happy with life being single. I didn’t spend it waiting for my Prince Charming to find me or have a guy to come and complete me. I was already complete on my own.

It was only about 3 years ago that I told myself that I’m ready to be in a relationship, to be in another adventure, but this time with someone on my side. The search wasn't easy. There were a lot of questions and disappointments and at some point, I even asked myself if there was something wrong with me. It seemed like a long, painstaking wait.

When I met Bjørn this year, I didn’t know right away that he is THE ONE but it didn’t take that long to figure out. His mind is full of ideas and I find it stimulating to talk to him. Our first date included dinner plus talk and walk then walk and talk until 1 in the morning. We had fruitful discussions while walking in an empty shopping area in Binjiang Dao in Tianjin, China and talked without reservations about what we think about things in life and the universe. We spoke to each other like souls finally meeting their match or minds finding their own kind.

The next day, he asked me to come to Denmark. I laughed.

The reason why I say that our love story is the kind that gives meaning is that when we found each other I finally realized why I had to go through a long time being single. I finally understood why I had to wait. You find answers with the right person. With the right person, love is easy, it flows naturally and your heart feels secure. The right person pursues and persists, encourages and complements. In short, the right person brings out the best of you.

When Bjørn asked me to marry him, I laughed. Laughter is indeed the language of a happy heart. I laughed because I’m more than willing - there were no more doubts in me, thanks to living my single life to the fullest, I can move to the next chapter of my life wholeheartedly.

Now, we've crossed the line. We're married. And yes, we are so ready for this kind of adventure.

x

Cathy

long time...

After more than two years, I'm back!

Forgot to post here that I'm married already and am living here in Denmark with my wonderful husband. Thinking of creating another blog for just about anything I can think of in this new life here in Denmark. Hmmm, gotta decide.

This blog has been around for a long time and it's still around to document my life through the years.

Life is good. God is love.

x
Cathy

the rules of being amazing

"Risk more than is required. Learn more than what is normal. Be strong. Show courage. Breathe. Excel. Love. Lead. Speak your truth. Live your values. Laugh. Cry. Innovate. Simplify. Adore mastery. Release mediocrity. Aim for genius. Stay humble. Be kinder than expected. Deliver more than what is needed. Exude passion. Shatter your limits. Transcend your fears. Inspire others by your bigness. Dream big but start small. Act now. Don't stop. Change the world." - Robin Sharma


Time to dream again. 

x

Cathy

when language fails, give your friend a hug

(This post was in my draft for the longest time and I actually forget about this and just remembered when I went over my writings. I'm finally posting this now. This was originally written October 2012.)

When language fails, when saying "immense sadness" could not be understood or when my poor Chinese language skill could not even describe the sadness of him leaving, I just look at his eyes and said how grateful I am to have known him.

I was told to not get so attached to people. I know I'm supposed to listen to that. I've been leaving outside my country for five years now. Here in Tianjin, I've seen countless people go. I always felt like I'm the one who's always left behind. And so they went and the left in me a hole, others tiny, others so huge I found myself crying for a day or two.

I was told to not get attached to people, especially here. People move on, they go somewhere. One of the questions thrown at me by people I meet is - until when are you here? As a foreigner here, I wasn't expected to stay, and so are many of my friends.

I was told to not get attached to people...but I couldn't help it. Along the way, you find someone who inspires you, makes you laugh harder, makes you work harder or dream bigger...makes you a better person...makes you see the world in a brighter color. And before you know it, you're changed. And you breathe easier and happy thoughts flood your heart.

Oh well, what's the use of holding back something. What's the use of not getting attach to a friend or a person you've just met. Maybe saying not to get attached to things is okay, but to people? It's a case to case basis. Human beings are relational beings. We learn from each other and seek love and hold on to it. That's the glory of living, something that separates us humans from others. Yes, it may mean you get hurt from time to time but that's okay...because it also means you've lived.

And so with this friend of mine who is leaving soon, I looked at him and said I'm thankful. He said, "I know." But I said I'm thankful again because maybe he doesn't really know. He is a friend, an encourager, and a great motivator. So I stood there looking at him. It's 8:30 p.m. right after the Dance Fitness class. I'm all sweaty and so is he. The thought that it's his last class finally sunk in and I was trying to hold on to this moment, to let him totally understand what I'm saying.

"I know." He smiled, the curve in his lips showed his sadness.

"Okay." I answered, surrendering to the fact my words were understood.

Unexpectedly, he stretched out his hands and we hugged. Tight and sweaty, his wet shirt against my sweaty top but they don't matter now, there are words unspoken not because I'm holding back but because language fails in this situation. And we stayed there for a few seconds, letting this single act work for the emotion, the bittersweet feeling of finally saying goodbye.

Looking back at what just happened, I'm reminded of some profound words I learned from Winnie the Pooh, " How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

When language fails, hug. It may only last for a few seconds but it expresses way beyond words and language. It's emotion in action.

x

Cathy

my god that never fails

Hao jiu bu jian means "long time no see" in Chinese. I noticed that the last time I posted something here was April of last year. Wow, I couldn't believe it!

The past months I've been busy completing my research paper for my master's degree. I submitted it two weeks ago and I'm glad to say that maybe I'm done with masters. Maybe...because I still don't have any confirmation from the school if I graduate. Heard that it may be one of these days. I could only hope.

Now, I'm thinking of what project to embark next. Study Chinese? Hmmm, maybe. Write a book? About what? Hmmm, gotta think. Or, whatever comes, yeah?

Aside from the master's degree, I've been busy going to the gym. April of last year, I signed up at Powerhouse Gym, one close to the workplace where I do my part-time job (writing and editing Tianjin Plus Magazine). I started familiarizing gym equipments, then attended Zumba classes, then Nike Training Club. I try my best to go at least 3 times a week, which is a bit hard since it's not very near my home. Yet, knowing me, when I like something, I don't care what pain I go through just to have it.

Have I learned anything about life lately? Or anything since my last post last year?

I'm not sure. A lot of things have happened and maybe I can say I did. However, one thing I'm sure for certain - God never fails. I failed many times, oh, so many times. I'm not the person I was before, I change. And in changes, there's always that part that may hurt others, hurt ones self, or hurt God. Yet, He never fails. The past weeks, I try my very best to be mindful of God's little help in even the tiniest things I do. And it got me so overwhelmed - the strength He gives me in opening a bottle of lemon honey mixture (gosh, so difficult), when He reminds me to double check my stuff and I realize I did forget something, when I overslept and His grace woke me up good enough to prepare and not be late, the energy He gives when I aim for 400 calories on the treadmill, the gladness at attending "deadly" Nike Training Club sessions, those encouraging hug by people I love, those wonderful smiles by strangers and students, the moment a student gives something that helps in my "almost-ill" condition...those and a thousand more things.

God never fails.

I did an interview for Tianjin Plus Magazine a couple of weeks ago. While waiting, I had a chat with our photographer - Mr. Wang. I couldn't remember why we talked about religion in our conversation but he spoke about him wishing he has a religion, especially now that he's getting old (Mr. Wang is in his 50s). He says it is a good guide and a source of encouragement.

Mr. Wang is right. Believing in Jesus is my religion. It's a truth that I will continue to hold on no matter what my heart condition is, whether I experience sadness or happiness. Jesus...He frees me and holds me enough not to let me go in times when I have doubt of who I am and what I should do. In those moments, He never fails.

And I just love Him a million times for that.

x

Cathy

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

I don't know why it took me this long to watch that movie. It has been on my dvd case and yesterday I just took it out and thought I'd watch it.

I love the movie and understood, in some ways, why the characters went through the medical process of erasing each other in their memories. I won't say I'd do the same but when you love someone, hate is easy. This is especially true when the "getting-to-know-you-how-exciting" stage subsides and reality sets in and you realize there are many things you don't like about each other. You fight, you create drama, you crave for attention, you get confused, you wonder, then you tell yourself you want out.

And so the main characters in the movie decided "out" by erasing each other in their memories. Perhaps the best reason why, was they don't want to deal with the pain, that wrenching pain, that gets to you when you realize your love has failed you, or at least your lover.

The problem was, though you erase the person and erase the pain, you also realize that you erase the greatest joy you felt being with that person. That happiness, fun, laughter...joy.

I was from the outside looking in, literally and figuratively. Watching the movie, I keep on saying to the characters, "why do that?". Yet also, in real life, I'm still in the outside looking in.

My wish is that when my time comes to love another human being with all my heart, I'd be wise and courageous enough that even when pain comes, I'd take it, live it, experience it...because out of that pain was my source of pure joy.

x

Cathy

beauty and suffering

"To possess true beauty, we must be willing to suffer. I don't like that. Just writing it down makes my heart shrink back. Yet, if Christ himself was perfected through his suffering, why would I believe God would not do the same thing with me? Women who are stunningly beautiful are women who have had their hearts enlarge by suffering . By saying "yes" when the world says "no." By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they be loved in return. And by refusing to numb their pain in a myriad of ways available. They have come to know that when everyone and everything has left them, God is there. They have learned, along with David, that those who go through the desolate valley will find it a place of Springs. (Psalm 84:6)"

- Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

To battle boredom in the airport, picked this book up from my bookshelf and re-read it. It has spoken loudly this time. Maybe I'm one of those women who, for the longest time, hid myself from love because I didn't wanna get hurt. However, the line above says it all. Love suffers long, and unfortunately love and suffering makes one beautiful.

My prayer this 2012 is that I may never be afraid to love. Even if it means I'd get hurt, even if it means I'd be disappointed, even if it entails many lonely roads, confused signs, closed doors and bitter tears. Loving is worth it. It's worth it because I know that's what makes me human, woman, and Christ-like. When I love, I'm enjoined with Christ. I understand him, we become one. My pain becomes his pain and his light mine...and by that, I become more beautiful.

Amen.

x

Cathy